Boundaries and the Home

I finally have a chance to sit down and write, and there is just too much to write about. There are certain idiosyncratic Tajik moments that I cannot begin to explain as well as particular feelings and expectations I face as a woman in Tajikistan.  Living in Central Asia was the first time I really began to experience gender imbalance. Yes, there is patriarchy in every part of the world (yep, that includes the USA), but there are certain aspects of Central Asian culture that are so intrinsically linked with gender roles and behavior.

While staying in a village, I got an opportunity to have conversations with women about their expectations and roles and participated in the daily chores and activities. I did not feel like I was treated as a guest. This is not to say the people were not hospitable--in fact, it was extremely generous of the family to let me stay with them. What I mean is that in a lot of interactions, I'm treated not as a woman but as a foreigner who gets her own allowances and guidelines. In this conservative, religious village with strict boundaries, it was completely different. The women wake up at 5:30 am and go pray. They then return to the house and begin the day's chores. All day these women clean the house, cook, and work in their father's little shop. Life revolves around the duties of the home and the duties to the men. The women seem exhausted, and it was frustrating to watch the fifteen year-old son play computer games all day while we worked our asses off. Another frustrating experience was cleaning fruit with the girls and then watching the father sit and eat the "clean" fruit as the girls tried to fill a bowl.

There was a big dinner one of the nights because the father and grandmother were going to Arabistan (Mecca), so the neighborhood came over to feast and to wish them luck. All day we prepared osh (rice with a lot of cottonseed oil, carrots, and pieces of meat) and prepared beautiful table settings. It was really fun to cook with these women, and they got a kick out of how inept I was at cutting the carrots. These women have chopped carrots every day, all their lives, and they have really honed a skill! The women can take dirty carrots, peel them with a dull knife in under 10 seconds, and cut them into perfect small slivers. I was super impressed!

The women and the men sat separately, and as soon as men entered the room, we were not allowed to go inside. We prepared dishes for the men and brought them outside the room. A man then opened the door and accepted our food. It was kind of a rush (and reminded me of the time when I was a waitress!), as we women prepared the osh and salads and ran it to the men's room. Finally, after the men finished eating, we were allowed to clean their plates and eat whatever was left.

It's frustrating, it's eye-opening, it's jarring, and it really throws cultural differences in my face. Yet, being a woman gives me insight into a different sphere of life. The male researchers certainly could not have conversations before bed, as we are lying on Tajik floor mattress, about love, dating, and marriage. A lot of the younger women my age or younger are nervous about getting married but also accept the arranged marriage as their duty to their family. Family comes above all else and the home is the center of life. The women expressed their fears about their futures, their dreams and desires, and their frustrations that cannot be shared in the open. There is a camaraderie among them, and these women accepted me into their circle of friends to share in their lives. It was a truly remarkable experience that has colored my days here.